Expectations.

Ya know what... i dont really know how i feel about all this stuff. I like the idea of everything just coming together perfectly and blissfully and love being the thing that makes everything okay and when you find the right one, nothing else matters. but this class is just showing me that even after you find the one.. the problems never end. actually just the opposite. it gets worse! i mean i dont know. its weird. everything is so complex. so many different ways to love someone... so many different relationships that are necessary for a good and successful family.

and its so stressful too! dating is not just dating. I mean the way you date decides everything. The communication you have with your boyfriend now, affects the relationship of your eternal marriage! i mean come on! stressful. right?

I do like the idea of taking the big steps in a relationship and making sure that they are defined and clear. I was talking to my boyfriends brother and he said that there is no need to have a clear talk about being boyfriend and girlfriend or not. He said that it just happens. its a flow... a feeling. But this class made me realize that that is stupid. If he is too lazy or too unthoughtful to take the time to step out of the comfort zone and ask the simple question or make the questions answered, then he obviously doesnt understand the importance of being in a good relationship.

I loved wednesdays lesson and how we talked about the processes we should take while engaged. soooo many girls are obsessed with finding their perfect wedding. Pinterest is a disaster because all girls do is post all day about what they want. but think about it.. if your online picking your wedding dress.. when do you have time to find the guy to ask you to wear that wedding dress... its so silly. we should be focused more on how to make ourselves better and more on finding the right marriage instead of the right wedding.

Brother Williams says that we need to learn to rely on each other and become one, we need to be able to establish good problem solving skills, and making decisions together.
We made a list of what we want in a marriage and that we need to find a guy that we can talk about what we want with them so we know if they will make a good spouse.
What was scary to learn is what happens when we want kids. how drastically it changes the relationship and dynamics of the relationship. Its so simple yet so stressful. keep the bond strong with the spouse while still opening that bound to bring in the children.

The family system will always be changing i guess.. and the only thing we can do is adjust.
Moms need to open up the job of motherhood to let the dad help out as well.
communication and quality time is important.
Dont let go of the litte things like opening doors or appreciating the little things that our spouses do.
dont get too tired or too busy to make sure we are nurturing our relationship.

I want to find someone that i never get tired of building the relationship. I know i will have to work at it, but i want it to be enjoyable work. work that makes me smile and happy. I want to be a couple that gets stronger. no matter what gets thrown our way. Thats what i expect.

The Dating Game

      This week was all about dating! and i loved it! it is so interesting to learn about something that is so prominent in all our lives. we talked about how many people we should date before we find our spouse and i learned that we are supposed to date at least 20 PEOPLE!!! isnt that crazy!!??? man. i have a lot of work to do. but i think that that totally makes sense. because think about it... you date to find out what you like in people and what you dont like. what works best for you and what you could do without. so why would you stop and fall short of learning. i mean. why would i only visit 3 states and then be forced to say that one of those states was my favorite out of all 50 states??  that doesnt make any sense. but i mean you dont have to see all the different states. because you can lump some together. like coastal states and country ones. cold and hot ones. so you do have to try out a little of each. its the same with boys. or if your a boy girls. so i really have to start on that.

      there are 4 things that bring people together.
1. they obviously must live close to each other. but that makes sense. because you have to meet each other right? where you live decides what you do, if you will run into each other, and whether or not you have things in common. but it is true that distance is having less of an impact now because of technology. i mean think about it, we can text and facetime, skype and call. its like we never left each other.
2. Attraction. but this is obvious too. i mean you wont be interested in someone unless you think they are physically attractive.You have to have that physical love for the person if it is ever going to work. and that doesnt mean that it has to be love at first sight. but the love or physical attraction can grow over time. but it does have to be there.
3. Similarities. sometimes it is common for people to be attracted to people that look like them or that look like people from their own family. there also has to be similarities in your belief system morals and the way you live. some things can be different because opposites do attract. but there has to be some common ground so you can coexist without so much fighting and constant battles.
4. Behavior. the behavior that we have now, will only become stronger and grow. so we look to make sure that our behaviors blend together well.
also finding the right behavior of guys now is important. not everyone will change. sometimes what they are now, will only increase with time. Girls like the thought of changing the bad boy but that is not always the case. we dont get so lucky most of the time.

The thing that i loved most that i learned this week is that how the boy dates us will tell you the type of man he is going to be.
if he takes you on dates, pays, takes the time to take you one on one and prepare something special for you, then you know he will be a good man that will provide protect and preside over your household and your family. It totally makes sense. i mean my ex boyfriend and i never really went on dates. we "hung out" together and just did things with our friends. i never realized it but he never put forth the effort to make me feel special or show that he takes the time to think about me. needless to say it didnt last haha. and i am not saying he was a bad guy.. he just isnt the guy that will be a good provider for me and my family. Its weird. I am learning so much more now and i am realizing how serious dating should be. How we need to listen to our leaders when they tell us to date around. how serious it is to find the right guy for you. and not just the hot one or the nice one. but the one that is going ot raise your family and take care of you and provide for your family. preside over it and fill your home with the priesthood.
I have learned so much from my own dating and from our class.

Its not enough to HEAR it. you have to SEE it.

i cant wait till i finally see it.

Hopeless Romantic

So this week has been pretty weird. Naturally me being a girl, i deal with boy drama probably every day of my life. Being at BYU actually being in idaho.. constantly puts a weird vibe on everyone. i feel it so much this year. its the vibe of needing to be married. of needing to have someone thats a partner to let the world know "hey look! im not weird! someone likes me!" its funny. before, i never really thought about it. ya know i just assumed ehh i will deal with it later. i will meet my soul mate in college. but lets face it, im here in my second year. im 20 and i still have yet to meet someone even remotely close to my list of things i want. so to say im stressing is an understatement. but then i had a lesson. Both in this class and in my religion class and it could not have been at a better time!
     
       First we learned about the differences between girls and boy. How differently boys learn and think and feel and deal with things. we talked about how boys have the ability to focus on one thing and forget about the rest and how girls have a knack for thinking a little too much. This usual would make me so frusterated because why cant boys just think like girls or girls like guys. i mean that would make it so much easier. we would all be able to understand each other and it would all be sunshine and butterflies. But then the class talked about how perfect being different is. How we need the other to balance our lives. Heavenly Father made us that way so that life is easier when your with your loved one. Knowing this gives me hope. that my opposite, perfect match, is out there. wondering what the heck girls are thinking just like i am wondering what boys are thinking.

        This translates to how we raise our kids. Gender plays a huge role. Boys are rougher and tougher. I dont like the idea of boys being raised like girls and girls being raised like boys. we are different. We are suppose to be different. MEANT to be different. so why would we treat them the same? talk to them the same? it doesn't make sense. Boys and girls are put on this earth for different reasons and it is the responsibility of the parents to recognize that and adjust their teaching accordingly. Men should be protective and tough and willing to provide for the family. While women should be nurturing and capable of taking care of the family.

When parents raise their kids the same, they are just asking for them to be a little different when compared to their same-gender friends.

   I guess then its time to talk about what we talked about on Friday. Same sex attraction. I know its a touchy subject and not many people like to talk about it but its something that is becoming more and more prominent in our society. But i think our society is making it more prominent. We are saying if you are a little girly, you must be gay. so Parents tell them, friends tell them, and so they tell themselves they must be gay. So they act upon it. But the truth is, it can be very confusing for them. and it isnt even a feeling of sexual interests. Its merely what intimacy you feel comfortable with. But our society is making it all about sex and everything. Our church just asks us not to act upon it. and i dont think it is that big of a deal. You can be feminine and love the intimacy of hugging as a hello instead of a handshake but it doesnt have to be about sexuality.
 
       It all gets so messy and that is why i just try to avoid it all together. The idea of sexuality within the younger community is unreal to me. our society is all about sex. seriously. its unbelievable. And adding same sex issues into the mix just makes it worse. learning about all this just makes me sad. Im a hopeless romantic. simple and clear love. not messy dirty inappropriate. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, they fall in love, and live happily ever after. and thats it. nothing messy or confusing about it. and thats how i like it.

Posting with Gratitude

            I think right now, i am just very grateful to be the person that i am today. For being raised in a community that has the same morals that i want to live. For being born in a family where i have been given the gospel. I realize it really can be so hard to decide what is right and wrong. there are so many different directions that seem good. So what is right? well I am glad that i know what is right because i know the gospel is true and the gospel of the Lord does not leave any questions. It gives direct instruction about what we should be doing and how we should be living.

            I feel bad for people who do not have this simple truth, this thing that shows you how to live and this thing that makes living make a little more sense. I mean, i researched some different cultures around the world and i was so shocked about the different cultures around us. There are so many that are good and morally sound. so many that we can learn from and can base our own country after. But then there are the most unusual things such as in the African tribe cultures that literally are unthinkable. Its shocking to see how far off we have become from the truthfulness of a life lived following the Lord.
But that being said, I do appreciate the diversity of our lives.
             Going to BYUI it can be hard to find diversity. I mean lets face it. the majority of us think the same, have the same feelings toward different issues. our backgrounds are not all that diverse either. so i find it all just a little boring. No challenging view points, or creative or colorful backgrounds. I live in california and there are so many people everywhere that believe different things and do different things and i just find it all a little more exciting. so i dont think it is up to us to decide how they live. not our part to judge or look down on a different culture. The Lord sent us down here with the power to choose to live whatever life we want to live. so are we better then He? no. we should not judge or try to throw our own beliefs or cultural morals on others. But we can live as an example of how blessed we can be if we live the way of the Lord.

           I love my family. and i love the efforts that have been taken from my family now and the generations previous to mine that have made it possible for me to live the way i am today. I hope that one day, everyone will be able to live the wonderful gospel filled life that I have been privileged to live.

Week Two.. Different Way of Thinking

So this class is so interesting to me. I love that it is so deep into something that i have been watching my whole life. Families. I have one, my friends have one, all my loved ones have one. I am surrounded by them and yet i have no idea anything about them. But this class is making me think about them in a completely new way. My family has so many different theories and systems for why it is the way it is. we learned about symbolic interaction, conflict, and exchange theory.

There are so many factors that create the life that we know and love so much. My family is the center of everything and to think that i never took the time to think why? what makes my family the rock it is in my life? what would it be like if it was different? i cant help but feel so thankful for the family i have.

We learned all about boundaries between different family members. i loved this idea because it makes so much sense. there is so much things that we dont talk about, that we do talk about, and that we just dodnt know. I love that nothing in my family is rigid. nothing is left without communication or understanding. looking at my family, i feel so blessed to only see the good things in our studies. My family is clear with its boundaries. I have had such a wonderful life and i know it is because of the hard work of my parents. of the gospel in my life. Of the love in my life.

i especially loved the memories that came because of the time i took to think about my siblings and how close we are. I realized how our relationships have changed. and how close i have become with them all. how growing up in such a terrible world, have brought us closer together. has bonded us in our efforts to return to heaven together. to live together forever.

i wouldnt change my family for anything. i love everything about my family. this class is making me miss them, making me wanna go back home and hold them close. i feel so sad for those families that dont feel the love that i do. the struggles that others are battling in a household. i cant imagine. but i love that there are ways of fixing these struggles. its nice to know that even the most horrible hardships, there can still be hope.




my favorite quote of this week was,
"You cant get enough of what you do not need, because what you do not need will never satisfy you."

My family is everything that i need and without them, i dont think i would be the person that i am today.

i love this picture... hahaha my dad was taking it so he wasnt in it. 

i love the idea that my family is an eternal unit and that i can be with them forever.