fears for the future.

          The final full week of learning in Family160. This week we are learning a lot about marriage. We talked about divorce and the rates of divorce as it increases and stabilizes over time. I dont really know how i feel about divorce. i think it is so sad. to think you found the person that you want to be with for the rest of your life only to find out you were wrong and have to make the decision to live on your own again. Its so sad. But i think that there are times when it is okay to end things. The Prophet does say that if two people are living the gospel and making good choices, it doesn't matter who the person is, you can have a good and successful marriage. But when one person is not doing what they should, and not following the commandments, i cant help but think it would be better to end it, then to let them drag you down. But that being said i know that people take marriage way too lightly. i mean look at all the marriages that take about 3 months for courtship and even less time to realize they didn't want to be married anymore. People forget the importance of courtship and just get swept away in the idea of it. they are forgetting the important task courtship does. it helps you find out if the person is the RIGHT one. the one that meets all the requirements that you want in a future spouse. BYUI is full of people dying to get married, and this can lead to a lot of issues in the future.
            But its not just mormons. people are getting way to wedding happy. and i think it is because they know that there is a way out. divorce is so easily assessed so they feel like its not such a huge commitment.
         
           Then we talked about the idea of blending families. getting married after a divorce when you have kids and stuff. Brother Williams is a part of a blended family. He married a divorce wife (adorable by the way- she came into class to answer questions) with two kids so he had a lot of insight about our questions. Its amazing how different the structure of a family changes as families blend together. But the idea of "blending" is a wonderful thing to me. to mix families together so much to where the separate parts cant be pulled apart. Brother williams said that it takes 2 years for families to get back to normalcy. and that the step parent should be more like an uncle and the birth parent should be more like the disciplinary system. I have so many friends who are a part of divorced parents and have blended families and also friends whose divorced parents have not met another to remarry. and i think that remarrying is good for the kids and the parent as long as the step parent is the right one. as a family structure it is so important to have two parents and it eases the tension of responsibility on the older children.
The structure of a family is so sensitive and every factor plays into the overall feeling and working system of the family. i cant imagine what it would be like to live with a family other then the always same family that i have now.
     It worries me to know that the decisions of who i date will decide the structure of my family in the future. i want to make sure that i take my time when i meet my future husband and that we dont rush into things but go into the marriage for life. not till divorce is the choice or till we get tired of each other. but forever. Because if i have learned anything from these lessons, it is that divorce is messy. and blending families is stressful hard and sometimes messy. I want to make it simple. I fear it will be hard, but i know that if i have the Lord, any decision i make will be in my best interest and everything will happen for a reason. dont rush, just breath and trust myself. and the lord.